If youre looking for a way to connect with your teenage daughter this summer, consider starting a girls book study group with your daughter and her friends.
You may think that teens would not respond well to this idea, but think again...you just might be surprised.
First bounce the idea off your daughter and see what her thoughts are on the subject. If she shows any sign of interest, then brainstorm some possible book titles and/or topics. When my daughter and I started our group last summer, we had in mind to get some girls together from our churchs high school youth group. So we talked about some of the books that people were reading at the time.
Next my daughter started calling her friends and acquaintances to see who she could interest in the idea. Almost everyone she talked to was interested in coming and liked the idea, but many were already busy with other summer activities. We narrowed the list to around four or five who committed to reading the book and getting together to talk about it. We all gave input into which book we wanted to read, and ended up with "Whats So Amazing About Grace" a popular non-fiction book by Phillip Yancey.
I broke the book down into three- to four-chapter sections, and we decided to meet Wednesday evenings for six weeks. Overall, the study went very well, and it was very rewarding. We all have fond memories of it, and it was great to spend that quality time with my daughter.
If you think this is something you might be interested in doing, here are some tips I picked up along the way:
Dont take it personally if everyone doesnt come every week. Everyone has busy schedules and conflicts arise. Probably only one or two girls came every single week, even my daughter missed at least one. Youll find that conversations can greatly differ depending on the mix of girls, which is good!
Meet in a low-key, relaxed setting so everyone is comfortable and doesnt feel like theyre in a classroom. We took blankets to sit on down to a local park and had snacks every week.
Dont pressure yourself into having to "lead" the group. Youre not there to teach them, but only to facilitate the conversation. I found it helpful to choose a book that included group study questions. Some books have the questions in the back. This particular book had a companion study guide that had to be purchased separately. Just let the girls talk, and ask questions if there is a big lull in the conversation. Although you might be tempted to challenge "wrong" answers, let the girls challenge each other first and see what conclusions they come to. It is rare that youll have to intercede. Instead of challenging someone directly, ask them more questions to help them reach a another answer.
On the same note as the last point, dont feel you have to give advice or have all the right answers. Most teenagers love having someone, particularly adults, listen to their thoughts and feelings. They dont expect you to know everything, they just want you to listen. Youll find that the teens come from all different family backgrounds and dont always have other people to listen to them when they need to talk.
Encourage girls to come to the discussions even if they didnt do their reading for the week. Youll find that most are embarrassed if they didnt do their "homework" and dont want to show up. Encourage them to come even if they didnt read it, to encourage fellowship among the girls.
Dads can have book study groups with their teenage sons and their friends too! They may need to goof around some more and maybe burn off some energy before they get down to business some kind of outdoor activity, but teenage guys like to get together and learn from each other also.
A book study group is a great way to get to know some of your teenagers friends. Encourage them to also invite people they dont know very well...people from school or work who they want to get to know better. Its a great way to make that first step towards friendship and teaches them to reach out to others.
